Currently Listening From Under the Cork Tree By Fall Out Boy Dance, Dance. see related

EMO PIX 

      These 2 arent my Favorites  

THESE ARE MY FAVORITE ONES...

 {this is one of my top fav ones. lol}

ALL OF THESE PIX WERE MADE BY

JEFF  THOMAS

so yea, that is all i have to say for now i think. lol.

Currently Listening Dark Light By H.I.M. wings of a butter fly see related

Im getting a new one of these

for the people that i trust

i will let you read my new one

you know who you are.

but i will still use this for my stupid pix and all that stuff.

but as of right now there are

some people that i cant have

looking at what i say.

IM SICK OF THIS...

I am sick of the fucking lies. I cant take this. you know who you are... STOP FICKING COPYING ME!!! As soon as i couldnt sleep neither could you. As soon as i couldnt stand somtin neither could you. as soon as i said i dont want to live anymore so did you. well you know what. just stop fucking copying me. i read your xanga... and it has many of the same things as mine. and i read your about me thing too.. you copied almost every thing. and if you like liz so much why dont you just go off with her and leave erin and i.. i dont want to know liz, i never wanted to know her. you gave me no choice but to be nice to her... well guess what, i wish i had never been nice to her. She, liz, is a no good, 2 faced, lying, git!!! and that is all she will ever be. you may like her because she has a sick mind, but she isnt a good person. and i didnt want to do this... but kris you have to choose. it is either her or me as a best friend. i will not share that spot with her. i refuse to be known as a person like her... at school when people see you with liz they tend to stay away from you. so you know what, when you are around liz, i dont want to be around. you just end up ignoreing me... so what is the point....

BETTER NOW I THINK

Ok now that i got that outa me, i think i am better now. tonite i accutaly had a good nite. even though i missed you when you signed off. But on the good side, i didnt get yelled at.. not once. it was great. i love having people over. my parents should do it more. Oh and T i think your room will be awsome. my friend did somtin like your room, but they used 2 shades of blue... but if you are doing the same thing as them, it will look great. i wanna do somtin with my room... but not the walls... i already have plans for the walls.. you wont be able to see them soon, so it wont matter what color they are... but as for the celelling.. i wanna put somtin awsome on it. i was thinking of a night sky, but then naw... maybe a stormy sky... but i dont think my mom would go for that... so i will come up with somtin... cuz i hate white! it is so plain and well yea....

LIZ...

i hope he told her off so bad that she wont eva talk to her again. liz desevers every ounce of it... what she really desevers is for some one to beat the crap outa her so she will stop being a sleezy person. Oh wait, im sorry she can never stop being that, because the day she stops being sleezy is the day that the earth is blown up...

SUPER BOWL SUNDAY

i think my parents are having people over for the game. thank god. that will be another day with a break from them. I so cant wait, even though i am usually so bored by the end of that day... i wont care.

SHOPPING

well tomorrow i am getting new glasses, because these broke again. so i will have to see what kind i am getting this time. if they change a lot i will have a new pic up pronto... but seeing as i dont change that much, i dont think i will have to.... except that i am getting a new hair cut, so i will have to take a new pic. and remember that the next time maine has a snow storm, i have to take pix. lol

as for what i am buying tomorrow.. i have no clue. i do need shampoo though.. lol... and i should prolly see if i can find a desk so i can finally be in my room more. so yea, i'll start looking into that.

IM BORED SO HERE'S A PIC OF ME

how do i look? lol. i think it came out pretty good...

and god i love that hat! lol

JUST MESSING AROUND WITH PICS

see i can be bad... lmao, yea right.

i think we look good on punkins... lol

GC on a punkin... and...

Billy is freakin hot on a punkin. lol.....

well im done for now. hope you like my pix... took me for eva to make them.. not... lol

"how are you?"

that is the one question

that i can not answer with the truth...

~*~

FAMILY PROBLEMS

i cant do this anymore. my whole life is a living seceret! And this seceret just keeps growing and growning... as more and more people tell me about theres, it is just more to add to mine. my parents are not happy with me. i am afraid that i am going to start to get into serious trouble, for nothing. just because i wont let them in on my life like i used to.. well if they knew what was going on, i would never be able to talk to anyone... the first person they would take away, is the one that makes me the happiest person in the world. yes, they would take away the one i love... just because they know he makes me happy....

i dont think my parents want me to be happy. they sure dont seem to act like it. i get yelled at for nothing... and if they see me smile while i am talking to some one on the computer, they tell me to knock it off... they check the phone calls all the time, just to make sure im not talking to anyone that they dont know... they are acting like everyone i talk to is going to kill me if they dont know about them... god dam it, i hate living in this place. i dont feel loved here... i dont feel anything but stress and hate... that is all this place is to me... i dont think of it as a home anymore, but as a place where i dont want to be.....

AWAY

i wish i could get away from here. that is the plan, as soon as i am 18, im outa here. i hate it here. i swear they moved me to maine just so they could rip me away from everything that was a part of me... i hate the fact that i am all alone here. all my friends are in different towns or miles and miles away... it isnt right to do this to me... it wasnt right! it never will be... i will never be able to make up what i lost...

IF I DIDNT MOVE...

i offten wonder what i would be like if i didnt move... i dont think i would have eva gone sceen kid... so that is the one good thing about moving, i met kelley and jessie, they turned me into what i am... but i mean. i wouldnt have the same friends... i would be failing school... i would still have many old friends... i could have been there for so many things that i missed... but would i have eva met T? i dought it... i am really glad that i did met him. he is my escape from everything. when i am talking to him, i just forget everything around me... i will never let my parents take him away from me...

 FAMILY PROBLEMS PART 2.

 i dont care what the hell they say... they cant controll me... they can say i have changed from there loving daughter to some kid that they dont like, but i dont care what i am to them... i really dont care. if i never saw them again, i think i would better off... i could care less about them. they dont care about a thing in my life. they never listen. they dont know a thing about me. so instead of trying to be nice to me, they just scream and yell at me. yes, i run the house now... i call the shots. they are afraid of me. or well that is what i think. they dont know how to deal with me, so they just yell and hope that i will listen to them. even when they yell, i cant hear them..

they are like a long lost memiory to me... the family that i used to love doesnt exists anymore. they are in the past and they are never coming back...

 i hate who they have become. they dont accept people anymore. they used to accept everyone for who they were... now if they dont like one thing about you, you are not going to be a part of there lives.

they dont consider the fact that not everyone loves them, but they sure as hell think that everyone should love them... the truth is, most people hate them, and so it affects me. and you know what, if they cant accept the people i hang out with, and the people i love, i dont love them... if they cant accept me for who i am, then i am outa this family!

i will get outa here. i wont be here for long. i will find some where else, even if it is the last thing i do....

FRIENDS

i am sick of people being my friend and then not. they say they will be there for me, but no, there other friend comes first. i was there for her, but she is never there for me. only at her time can she be there for me. she has changed and it is deffently not for the better....

as for the "other" people, i cant stand them. they think i am there friend when i am not. i will never be, and i dont want to be.

FAKES

i hate people who think that they know everything about me. only 2 people know every thing about me... that thing i put on myspace.com, that is a very limited about me thing... i left out a lot in a way... most people i cant trust anymore. there are only 2 people that i trust now a days... T and Erin... i trust them with my life! 

*********To my true friends and loved ones=

you guys mean the world to me. my friends you are my family. im sorry that i take so much out on you guys, but you just dont understand. if only you knew. hopefuly this xanga entrie will help you understand why i am acting the way i am... erin i know you know about all this, and T you know most of it too....... if you people who dont know think that i am going to kill myself, well you are wrong.Very wrong. i may act that way, but i could never do that... if you havent noticed, i like preventing people from doing that...

as for the 2 people that i trust with my life. i dont know what i would do with out you guys... you guys are the only people that really get me, and that is what makes you guys so awsome. you know how i am, and you know what i like... you know if it is somtin i hate, you dont do it. you know what makes me tick and you know what makes me happy. i can tell you guys anyting and i know that you wont judge me. you take me for who i am and you dont try to make me somtin im not. with out you guys, my life would be horriable.You guys raise me up when i am down. love you guys always. ~Sam

And if you want to know, im listening to BREAKLINE.

THEY FUCKING ROCK!!!

Currently Listening Lights and Sounds (Special Package CD+DVD) By Yellowcard Lights and Sounds see related

I hate this feeling.

I feel like everyone hates me!

and i dont know why they do...

i have never given anyone a reason too!

~*~

  that is how my life is right now.it feels like no one is on my side anymore. always on the other one... anything to be the opposite of me! i dont know anymore. every thing in my life is getting screwed up and there is nothing i can do to stop it. that is what i really hate! i cant stop it! it seems like my life is out of my hands now, and there is nothing i can do about it...

my parents.. i always thought that they were so great. well they arent. i cant stand them. i feel like i am living in a prison! they said that there are no secerts in this house... if only they knew... my whole life is now a seceret. i have to many to count. so many secerets for so many different people. some are small and some are larger then life... some i'll keep and others i will go to the grave with! there is no sharing or confseing of these secerets...  i would rather die then speak of them!

The biggest seceret in my life, is the one that makes me that happiest person in the world. but now i dont know what is going to happen... every thing is so screwed up. every one hates me because of it. it all causes so much stress! from what i can tell, every one is fighting over me and a few other things.... im sorry for being me, yes i will apoligize for my half of it all. i am sorry for being me! i cant help it! i fell in love with him, and there is no turining back now! even if there was, i wouldnt take it. i would never go back!!! i still dont care what fate says..... maybe fate is wrong... why cant it be? every thing else in the world can be! so why cant fate be wrong? i so hope it is!

I wont let fate come true. And if changing fate means him leaveing every thing behind, then i wont let him chage fate! I wont let him leave every tihng behind!

As for every one else. why does it feel like every one is slipping away? i feel like i am loseing every one... i feel like i am watching every thing i know crumble and fall right in front of me, and yet there is nothing i can do about it... it is like i am going in slow motion and life itself is passing by like nothing is happening... how can no one see that something is wrong? is all this really a part of my life, which is just a seceret that never ends...

I think  i am done here for now. the jail guard is behind me now.. so i must go. i will figure out somtin soon, i hope. i cant keep living like this. soon the eating problem will be back, and i am already living off of no sleep as it is... i need to figure this all out!!! i need him to tell me that it will all be okay, and that no matter what, nothing bad will happen... that we will make it out of this together...